'It was the only rule she had': 15-year-old specifies no red in Sweet 16 party dress code, great aunt insists on wearing 'burgundy' dress

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Mar 13, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

No matter what the context, it is quite surprising how ready and willing many people are to violate dress codes. There are times when this is appropriate, such as in protest of ridiculous rules or entitled people, but other times, it is not that reasonable to ignore certain requests. Some are fairly simple and have obvious reasons for being there, like the unspoken rule of not wearing white as a woman at a wedding unless you are the bride. Still, there are individuals who are more than happy to ignore that.

As somebody organizing a party with a dress code, it can be important to tread delicately when guests don't want to comply. Nobody wants to look like a bridezilla or just plain spoilt. Nonetheless, it is a boundary that should be respected by guests if it is simple and with good reason. Usually, it is not that difficult to comply.

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    Cheezburger Image 10479527936
    via Jordan González (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This was an issue one mom and her daughter were grappling with after an issue arose with a great aunt attempting to go against the dress code for the daughter's sweet 16th. The main rule is that none of the guests were meant to wear red, but the aunt purchased a dress that she tried to claim was burgundy. 

    The girl and her mom requested that she didn't wear it, but family members weren't happy with this turn of events. The mom was left wondering if they were in the wrong.

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    AITA or more like are we TA We have been working on my daughter's (15f) Sweet 16 party planning for almost a year. My daughter picked the theme of Nightmare Before Christmas (NBC). This is a formal/semi-formal event. She has been lax on letting her Aunts, Grandma, and cousins pick out almost everything except the colors and clothing assignment for Sweet 16 court. She chose basic colors of black, white, and purples for her main colors. The guests pick a NBC character and use it as inspiration for
    via Jamie12087
  • 03
    Now here is the part where I need to know AITA. The party is 6 days away, I ran into my Aunt, and she was very excited to show me a pic of her outfit. The shoes were beautiful but they worried me a little bc they had some red on them. I brushed it off bc who looks at shoes anyway. Then she showed me a beautiful bright RED dress. I was shocked and it showed bc her smile fell and she looked at my mom and said "it isn't red it's burgundy. You told me I could wear it bc it isn't red." My mom agreed
    via Jamie12087
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    please wear a different color dress but my aunt said no bc she ordered that dress for her party. My daughter told her it was the only rule she had and if she wasn't willing to follow it she would miss having her there but if she was willing to change colors we would love to have her. I backed my daughter up but my mom and sisters are upset with me bc "my aunt doesn't have a lot of money and can't buy another dress... or she won't come if she can't wear that dress." My daughter very clearly state
    via Jamie12087
  • 05
    when she ordered her dress. She is sorry but she is not changing her mind not about this ONE thing. She gave into all the other things they wanted. 1. AITA for siding with my Daughter when she stuck to the no Red dress code for guests. Also for not giving in when they tried to guilt us about it.
    via Jamie12087
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    UPDATE: 1. There are a lot of people saying it is just a birthday party however it is not to my daughter. My mother started the tradition of giving her granddaughters a sweet 16 extravagant party when her first one was born 23 years ago. She has given upwards of 5-7 so far and it is finally my daughter's turn. It is a right of passage at this point in our family. My daughter will have the court, the shoes, the dances, the tiara. Normally they get to plan every single thing with my mom, the aunts
    via Jamie12087
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    2. My mother, 2 sisters, and 2 nieces are helping us plan the party. When trying to make decisions my daughter just gave In to all their choices instead of making a fuss over things. She is not big and over the top but this type of party traditionally is. They wanted her to wear two dresses one a big poofy ball gown and the other a slimmer one. She only wanted a slim one but she ended up giving in to make my mom and sister happy. She did not want any alcol at the party period but my sister begge
    via Jamie12087
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    3.One thing you need to know about my daughter is she is normally very level headed, laid back, and chilled. She is very mature and logical. She is very respectful and does not talk back to adults. However we have raised her to understand that she deserves respect also. 4.When we talked to my aunt via text message tonight we very much tried to have her wear anything else other than red "burgundy" but she said she would just not come if she couldn't wear that dress. We would love for her to be th
    via Jamie12087
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    Commenters understood where they were coming from.

    sun_and_stars8 NTA party dress codes aren't my thing but to each their own. It's her party and she can set the dress code and select to hold the line on whole strictly it's enforced.
    via sun_and_stars8
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    Jamie12087 OP Dress codes normally are not our thing either and she very much told everyone they can wear whatever they want if they are uncomfortable in formal/semiformal ware. Her fun twist on her theme was to see if people would utilize the characters as inspiration. Her only stipulation was NO RED bc her wearing it with her theme.
    via Jamie12087
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    Zealousideal-Set-592 It's also such a small request. I live in a country where most weddings have colour codes and it drives me mad as it's an expectation for you to buy something new if you're unlucky enough to have a dress in that colour already. But just 'not red' is pretty easy requirement. Instead, aunt has gone out of her way to actually buy a brand new dress in the one colour she was told not to wear. That's just r de
    via Zealousideal-Set-592
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    OnSmallWings NTA. People saying yta because it's just a birthday would lose their ever lovin' minds at the thought of a quinceañera. I've seen videos of sweet 16 parties complete with courts, shoe ceremony, tiara ceremony, and father/daughter dance. This is your daughter's celebration of approaching womanhood. She gave the party planning reigns to others instead of commandeering it herself with the one exception of her picking the colors herself. She asked for no one else to wear red so that she
    via OnSmallWings
  • 13
    omgitsmoki I know a lot of people here hate dresscodes. I will, for the most part, disagree with them but there are some egregious bridezillas and control freaks out there that will tip my opinion. This is not one of those times. This is a fairly simple ask. "Please don't wear red." If you don't like it...don't go. Easy peasy. Yeah, yeah this is just a birthday but it is an important occasion to your daughter. She has an idea and it sounds fun! For your family to be so against something so simpl
    via omgitsmoki
  • 14
    Faeling Jester No it violates the dress code. Offer to help your aunt find something else that fits. If she refuses unfortunately she can't attend and they will have to celebrate with you some other time because you don't want her to embarrass herself by being so disrespectful to the birthday girl.
    via FaelingJester
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    Relative-Stuff-9048 hard NTA. I don't like the idea of party dress codes for guests, but if I'm invited to one I follow it or don't go. It's your daughters day and this aunt pointedly picked the color your daughter is trying to make part of what makes her feel special at her party (even if it's on the line thats a move). you're teaching your daughter she is allowed to set boundaries even with family. that makes you a great parent, not an AH.
    via Relative-Stuff-9048
  • 16
    Natural_Garbage7674 NTA. It's irrelevant that she can't afford a different dress. She never should have bought a red one to begin with. And if your mom okayed the dress without asking you or your daughter? She can pay for your aunt to get a new dress since she's the one that got your aunt uninvited.
    via Natural_Garbage7674
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    Far-Dare-6458 NTA. If she was wary of the color being too similar, she should've asked before purchasing it, especially if money is tight. If she truly wants to come and your daughter still wants her there, maybe you could offer her the money to buy a different colored dress, with the understanding that she pays you back with her refund when she returns the original red dress. Though as we all know, she may or may not pay you back.
    via Far-Dare-6458
  • 18
    bakd_couchpotato Does auntie like to wear white to weddings? "Oh, but it's eggshell/cream/brige/taupe..." Tell her to return it and use the money to buy a new one. Also, unless it's super formal, she must have black, purple, and white clothes at home that are acceptable.
    via bakd_couchpotato
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    helikasp NTA, it's obviously not that hard to find a dress that isn't red. Idk what crawled up these commentators but you didn't stipulate any different complicated rules here. A semi formal/formal sweet 16 isn't just a backyard kiddie party. Some of these parties can be stupid expensive. Either way 16 is a milestone, and daughter shouldn't be walked over when she was clear in the one thing she wanted in HER party. Yall just skipping right over where she let everyone make all the other decisions
    via helikasp
  • 20
    MotherofPuppos NTA. She broke the ONE rule. If it reads red in a pic, that's really all that matters. It's why you don't wear a really light pastel or grey to a wedding.
    via MotherofPuppos
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    WhisperingWillowWisp NTA for reinforcing a known rule that is really easy to follow considering it was the only rule. No red. But if your mom and other family members are upset she would miss because she decided to wear red, they can most likely pitch $10 each at her to get a new dress. All she had to do was not pick red. So many other colors in the world.
    via WhisperingWillowWisp
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    Shortestbreath NTA most people seem to be having an issue of having a dress code at all. It does seem over the top but enforcing boundaries and teaching your daughter not to let people walk all over her is an important lesson.
    via Shortestbreath

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dress code birthday birthday party teenagers sweet 16 aita red aunt dress reddit thread daughter Reddit entitled people
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